Category: Self Coaching Tips

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Best Year Ever – 2012!

Hello everyone and a very belated Happy New Year to you! I can’t believe that 3 weeks of 2012 are already over! I have been enjoying an extended holiday and rest period and am now ready to get back to work. This year I have many exciting ventures up my sleeves and I am ready to face some personal challenges too. I also intend to write blog posts more often, sharing self-help tips and inspiration to help you live a happier life. I am taking the leap and embracing new opportunities and want to help encourage you to do that too. So, if you are not already on the mailing list, click the subscribe button, pop in your email address and you’ll never need to miss a blog post again! Let’s make 2012 our best year ever.

View of the sea, Garajau, Madeira

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Self Coaching Tip – Review Your Achievements

This blog post was going to be about setting goals for the new year, but I thought that I ought to review my goals for this year first. I often find that I need to remind myself of what I have already achieved before rushing on to the next thing. I think this is because I am very goal driven (in some circumstances) and this is what pushes me to keep thinking up new adventures! You can read more about motivation (sometimes called a toward or away-from metaprogram in NLP terms) in a previous blog post I wrote called Use the Carrot or the Stick?

Review Regularly

 I sometimes feel as though the whole day has gone by and I haven’t achieved a thing – until I remind myself to sit back and survey what I have actually done. Much of the work I do is not tangible in the way that a product is. I can’t sit back and say, ah yes I have knitted 10 scarves today, or written 10 pages. I am mostly working with ideas in childrens’ heads and shifts in the mind-sets of adults… quite difficult to see! Maybe you recognise this pattern? Or perhaps you think about your achievements in a different way? I’d love to hear your thought on this.

Goal 1: Do more of the work I love, and get paid for it

This year I had many goals which had very tangible results – so it would be easy to know if I had achieved them. An example would be looking for a new home and selling my current abode – tangible. This sounds simple but in actuality it was a massive goal which took many months and had many mini goals within it. The ones I am more concerned with here are the goals which have less tangible results. So being paid for doing work that I love –  I have made steps towards this goal, or have achieved it temporarily, because this goal requires a ifestyle and mind-set change. It is much harder to say ‘Yes! I have achieved that,’ because it is a work in progress. This year I have been so excited to work with lots of lovely new coaching clients (as well as lovely clients I knew from before), have been teaching relaxation to children of all ages and doing more educational consulting. It has been an amazing year work-wise and I am very proud of what I’ve achieved:)

 Goal 2: Spend more time meditating and actively relaxing

Until recently, I thought about meditation as something other people did, and something that I did not really understand. I understood the point of it, and had an idea of the peace and calm it gives to others, but I did not really know how to do it and thought it would be difficult and time consuming.

What I now realise is that by giving myself a short time-out and following a guided meditation, I am actually more focused and productive when I want to be. This goal emerged over the year and meditation has now become something I do regularly. I am still learning every day, so this goal is a work in progress. I am currently using meditation CDs as I like to have a voice and words guiding me, rather than a silent or music-only meditation. In the words ‘Spend more time meditating’ I chose not to pressure myself with time limits or a schedule as I thought it would be counter-productive. You can read more about what I have learnt with regards to meditation and relaxation in my Relaxation Blog posts.


Goal 3: Have more fun

I enjoy most things. Even if they’re not that good. I just try to make the best of them, and although I might grumble and get annoyed at first, once I’m in a situation I do make the best of it. So this goal is more about creating more fun, rather than just finding the fun in everyday things (which is good too!). I have been actively seeking out more of the events, shows, walks, company and trips that I would love to do. All work and no play makes Zeenat a dull girl, so I definitely need to keep this up! Work commitments take up lots of time, but I have tried to make time for the things that I enjoy too, like spending time with loved ones. Again, I have achieved this goal more often, but it is something I will keeping working on. I wrote another blog post about this very idea which you can read, called Create Fun for Yourself.

 Before you start making new goals for 2012, consider: What have I achieved this year? Take time to notice both the tangible and the less tangible.

I would love to hear from you, especially if your goals were to do with changes in your mind-set or your lfestyle. Please leave me a comment here or on Twitter or Facebook. 

Have a happy Christmas all, and see you in the new year. 2012 is going to be even more amazing!!

Zeenat xx

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Self Coaching Tip – Spend Time in Nature

This is one of the easiest ways I have learnt to relax. 

I often find that when I get engrossed in my work I can find myself sitting in my seat for hours. This is not good for me! Luckily (sort of?) my body does not respond well to hours of sitting still, so I naturally want to move around. I also find that my brain functions better when I have been out for some fresh air. I recognise this when I start to think in a loop or I feel ‘stuck’.

Going for a walk outdoors is a great way to shift your state by moving your physiology – the stretching, movement, breathing and use of large muscles brings oxygen into the system and allows you to have a different perspective on something you might be working on. 

I recently read that it is great to be able to take on the habits of smokers, without actually smoking – deep breathing and frequent breaks outside. Try it yourself and notice what difference it makes to your productivity.

In NLP terms, this is known as a ‘break state’ – where you change your physiology/environment in order to alter (and improve) how you feel. It is also a great way to reset your stress levels and refresh your body and mind!

I was luck enough to spend time on the beach over Easter, reading and snoozing 🙂

Being in Nature – This does not have to mean a weekend away, (although of course those are wonderful too) – it can be as simple as taking a break from your computer screen and walking outside for ten minutes.

 

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Self Coaching Tip: How To Declutter

Creating a beautiful environment in my home increases my overall sense of well-being, and helps me feel more productive and happy. The physical space around me helps keep the mental space inside feeling calmer too. Here are some tips to help you keep on top of the clutter!

It’s that time of year again when I put away my summer clothes (sobs) and get out my winter woolies. This is just one of the steps I take regularly to keep my home clutter-free. I have now got it down to a fine art. I find that I know where everything is, I get to use more of my things (like my clothes or kitchen appliances) and I can keep my home environment feeling more spacious. My living space isn’t large, so I use these steps to make the best of what I have. Here are some tips which might be useful:

1. Keep Regular

Decluttering or having a clear up/ clear out needs to be a regular process. For me, thinking about it as a process rather than an event, means I don’t let myself get into huge piles of mess anymore – I deal with mess as it occurs. On the other hand, I don’t let the worry of being eternally tidy create more stress either! I just do little bits of tidying up as I go along – and if there is some mess left behind, I deal with it the next time I feel like it.

2. Start small 

I start with one space. I say to myself ‘Today I am going to tidy up this box/shelf/drawer/wardrobe/table-top.’ What I usually find once I get started, is that I actually quite enjoy it and it doesn’t seem like such a chore after all. As another way to help me do it and not procrastinate, I sometimes do this (boring) job before I do something ‘fun’. Finally I sometimes set the alarm on my phone to add a little time pressure to the mix! By tackling one drawer per day, I get through the overall task in no time.

3. Box it up 

Thank goodness for Ikea who in my mind invented the concept of ‘a place for everything and everything in its place’. Over the years I have moved lots of items into boxes which would have otherwise remained homeless. I’m talking about things which could look untidy if they were just left on a shelf – like computer cables, phone chargers (which seem to multiply!) and the like. Once the items are sorted into clearly labelled boxes, they can be put onto a shelving unit which means they are organised, accessible and tidy.

Bathroom storageStorage for extra blanket

Storage for bedtime reading Magazine racks are great for organising papers

Making the most of unusable space above shelving units

4. Find Alternative Homes

I recently bought a shopper trolley to help me lug around my resources for my Relax Kids lessons. I loved it as soon as I used it, but then had the problem of where to store it! I looked all around the house and found a suitable slot where it can slide in and still be accessible. Sometimes shoving more ‘stuff’ into the loft or similar areas is just not practical. Look around your home and don’t be afraid to rearrange your belongings to find better storage solutions.

5. Designate Clutter-free Areas

I have now got to the stage where my dining table is always clear (unless I am eating at it), with only a few regular items left on the table, like a bunch of flowers or candles. Even if it can only be one space, designate certain clutter-free zones and apply the tips above to maintain them that way. I found that one zone led to two and so on, and now my living space is much more clutter-free.

6. Donate to Charity 

I made a rule at the beginning of the year that if I bought something new, at least one old thing would go into the charity box. In order to reduce waste and unnecessary buying – I ask myself ‘do I use it?’, ‘do I like it?’ and ‘do I still want to keep it?’. If there are more ticks than crosses, it stays. Otherwise it goes!

Here is a previous post on de-cluttering tips for your wardrobe.

As ever, if you like this post, please do share it on Facebook or Twitter or leave me a comment. And if you want to make me smile, one guaranteed way to do that is to subscribe to this blog by popping your email in the box. Thank you! 🙂

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Glass half full?

You know the expression – ‘is the glass half full or half empty?’ – a common idiom meaning to discover whether a person views an event or events with an optimistic or pessimistic point of view. It implies that your answer shows a leaning towards one way of thinking, and perhaps indicate how you view things generally in life. I would argue that in NLP terms, our words shape our thoughts and vice versa so if we say negative words, we believe negative thoughts (which could also be described as negative energy) and the programming we have had since we were children often just repeats a pattern of learnt behaviour.

So if we can learn a behaviour, we can un-learn a behaviour – or to start with, a pattern of speaking. If we change the way we speak about ourselves, for example, we can change the way we think about ourselves and ultimately feel about ourselves.

 Amazing, isn’t it? So next time you think ‘oh I am so rubbish at this’, or ‘this always happens’ – stop and check yourself.

What happens if you change the words you are saying? Is the glass really half full or is it the way you are choosing to perceive it?

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Self Coaching Tip – Beat Procrastination

Procrastination is the thief of time – Edward Young

Overcoming procrastination is one of the topics I get asked about most frequently. Many people have told me that they want to reduce the amount of time they procrastinate and put off things they want/need to do until later. In my experience, procrastinating does not feel good, nor is it productive. So here I am going to share some of the tips I have picked up along the way from various courses, books and from my own battles with time.

1. Change your mind-set

Time is a commodity like money or food. We talk about ‘spending time ‘ and ‘wasting time’ – Think to yourself… what am I currently doing? Am I choosing to spend my time on something I enjoy or something I need to do to make my life run more smoothly? Or am I ‘wasting time’? (It is only a waste if you think it is a waste!) Which would I rather be doing? 

2. Imagine the completed task – Starting with the end in mind

Instead of beating yourself up about not doing whatever it is you want/need to do, think… what will I gain once I have done it? Imagine the scenario as if you have already completed the task (or steps in the task). Ask yourself – What will I see, how will I feel, what will I hear? If your brain is focussing on the end product/scenario, it makes it feel much more achievable and it will know more clearly what it is aiming for.

3. Make a List!

Now make a list of the things you want to do…

4. Scrutinise

Step 5 is prioritising – but often that is easier said than done – so scrutinising comes first. It can be helpful to think about why you have been procrastinating over something – is it so big that it is overwhelming? Maybe you don’t know where to start or how to do something, or maybe you don’t really want to do something and it is being imposed on you? Ask yourself ‘What’s stopping me from achieving this?’ Are there things on my list I don’t actually need to do? Could I get someone else to do it, or could I actually do it later?

4. Prioritise

Go back to your list and edit it. Now circle the top three most pressing tasks – if they are all pressing, which has the greatest time pressure or is going to give you the most benefit? (N.B. Sometimes I try to do the one I like most first; but in fact, it might have limited benefit!) Now pick the task which will yield the highest amount of satisfaction yield when it’s done.

5. Get started

Now just go ahead and make a start! This is often the hardest part. I find giving myself a chunk of time, like 15 minutes to get started on something really helps me at this stage.

 6. Allocate time slots

If you can’t do it all in one go, devote time over the next day(s)/week(s) when you will do that task, and just that task. Sometimes I have a mini research project to which I devote 15 minutes a day. I try to do that research first thing in the morning before I start my working day. It gives me a huge boost of satisfaction to know I am working at it, one bite at a time. You can’t eat an apple all in one go!

This might seem like a long process, but over time some of these steps have become more automatic for me. So much so, that I had to really think about what I do to share it with you!

As ever, if you like what you have read or have anything to share, please leave me a comment 🙂 

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Self Coaching Tip – Use the Carrot or the Stick?

One of my incentives: Buying myself a treat There is nothing like an incentive to get me working hard to achieve something.

I often find that I work well under the ‘right’ amount of pressure (and by this I don’t mean staying up all night like I did in my college days), but having a time frame in which to work spurs me into action. Too long a time frame and I put things off; too short and I go into panic-mode. So I plan my time to ensure I have just the ‘right’ amount of pressure (for me) – to be at my most productive. 

As I said before, my motivation tends to be to go towards something, which means I like rewards and treats to spur me on and encourage me. I generally don’t like losing out on things or having something taken away. In NLP terms, this is described as having a towards or away-from metaprogram. It’s just the same as saying you are more motivated by the carrot or you are more motivated by the stick. It is a useful and simple way to think about how to motivate yourself and is particularly useful with others.

When you are motivating a team, remember what works for some doesn’t necessarily work for others, so try a combination of rewards and penalties.

I’d love to hear what motivates you so why not share your thoughts? Leave me a comment below!

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Self Coaching Tip – Make Time for Yourself

Lush Bath Bomb and Tokyo Milk soap: Me Time

Sometimes making time for ourselves seems like the last thing on our to do lists.

If you, like me are often rushing around juggling lots of different jobs, roles and chores, by the time you sit down in the evening you are too tired to do anything else. When I first became self-employed I worked very hard to fill up my newly clear timetable and at first it was hard to find things to do. But back then I did not consider that I still needed to make a little ‘me-time’ to relax – I just worked and worked and I think I went a little bit crazy! Eventually when things started to pick up and the seeds I had sown during those first months were turning into little seedlings, I realised that I was getting tired again and needed to put time aside just for myself to unwind. Living with a chronic condition means that I am constantly reminded (by my body) when to slow down, but I also slot my ‘me time’ into my working day, so I don’t just relax at crisis points anymore.

One of my favourite things to do is have a soak in the bath, which is brilliant for my arthritis, as long as the bath is not too hot and I don’t stay in for too long. Fifteen minutes usually works for me. My favourite products are Lush Bubble Bars (I usually break them in half as it seems too wasteful to use a whole one for a short bath) and Kniepp herbal treatments. It is the perfect treat for me and gives me time to zone out, with my favourite music and a candle to enhance the atmosphere.

How do you make time for yourself? Or may be you will put aside some me-time after reading this? Please share and leave a comment below 🙂

My favourite bathing products : Lush and Kniepp

 

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Self-Coaching Tip – Sleep on It

The phrase ‘let’s sleep on it’ is one that I have been aware of for many years, and to me it simply meant ‘Here’s some time for you to think before you make a decision’. In recent years I have found it to be very useful in a literal sense.

Quite often I go over something that I am puzzling over or trying to work out, before I go to bed. I give it my full attention for ten minutes or so and then I do something else, like get ready for bed, watch t.v. or read. I trust that my subconscious mind will be working on the problem whilst I am asleep. This means that I have had mornings where I have woken up and the problem is solved, or it feels clearer, or I feel more prepared for what is ahead.

I am a great believer in the idea that I know deep down what I want, even though on the surface it sometimes feels like I am struggling to make a decision. In fact I am struggling with quite an important decision at the moment, and rather than panicking and get myself into a complete tizz, I trust that I will come to a decision and it will be the right one.

Try this for yourself:

  • Go over in your mind something that you have been thinking/worrying about 
  • Ensure that you set aside ten minutes of uninterrupted time so that you can think clearly
  • Feel inside that you trust that the issue will become clearer by the morning
  • Go about your business before going to sleep so you are no longer thinking about it
  • Go to sleep trusting that you don’t have to worry; in time it will be resolved naturally and you will know what to do

This is one thing I do to help me make decisions or prepare for a big day ahead. What do you do? Please leave me a comment on any of the tips and share your experiences!

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Self coaching tip – Changing the way you think

People often ask me how they can change the way they think, and some people are so stuck, they doubt they actually can. In my experience, negative thinking feeds more negative thinking and it can continue in a cycle of depressing thoughts. There is so much talk about ‘positive thinking’ out there, but that can be the last thing someone wants to hear when they are trapped going over the same thoughts with a negative outlook.

So how does someone break out of this cycle?

I think the first thing to note is it’s not always easy. If it was, you would have done it by now. It also takes time and practice – like when you are learning any new skill. 

Another step closer to getting out of negativity is to notice it is there. Maybe you’ve got into a pattern of thinking negatively for a reason – is it to protect yourself, something you have picked up from someone else or is it something that has always been there? It may be a new thinking pattern. Can you pinpoint when it started and what might have caused it? Are there any changes which need to be made there?

Next you need to decide that you want to change your thinking patterns. If you think it’s going to be too difficult and you are already putting up lots of barriers for yourself, maybe you don’t want to change enough. (Yet!)

Ask yourself these questions:

Do I really want to change my negative thinking?

Why do I want to change it?

What will I gain from changing my thinking?

What is stopping me from changing my negative thinking?

One of the best negativity-busters in my life has always been having a pet. However down I have felt, my cats have always managed to cheer me up, give me company and allow me to love them unconditionally. They have also made me laugh every day.

Puffin’s favourite sleeping spot is the bathroom sink 

I have also found that volunteering to work with people less fortunate than myself has provided the wake-up call that I needed at times. The time at which I suffered from thinking in a negative way when I was most absorbed in myself and my own worries.

Take an inventory of when and where you are most negative – it might not be everywhere. Try to work out what your triggers are and consider how you can avoid or change those.

Start saying one positive thought aloud every day, then when you are comfortable with one area, move on to another.

Take one day at a time and keep working at it.

Contact me to discuss how to change the way you think forever, through a tailor-made programme of support.