Category: NLP

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Self Coaching Tip – Use the Carrot or the Stick?

One of my incentives: Buying myself a treat There is nothing like an incentive to get me working hard to achieve something.

I often find that I work well under the ‘right’ amount of pressure (and by this I don’t mean staying up all night like I did in my college days), but having a time frame in which to work spurs me into action. Too long a time frame and I put things off; too short and I go into panic-mode. So I plan my time to ensure I have just the ‘right’ amount of pressure (for me) – to be at my most productive. 

As I said before, my motivation tends to be to go towards something, which means I like rewards and treats to spur me on and encourage me. I generally don’t like losing out on things or having something taken away. In NLP terms, this is described as having a towards or away-from metaprogram. It’s just the same as saying you are more motivated by the carrot or you are more motivated by the stick. It is a useful and simple way to think about how to motivate yourself and is particularly useful with others.

When you are motivating a team, remember what works for some doesn’t necessarily work for others, so try a combination of rewards and penalties.

I’d love to hear what motivates you so why not share your thoughts? Leave me a comment below!

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Paul McKenna’s ‘I Can Make You Thin’

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a weight loss event with hypnotist Paul McKenna at The HMV Hammersmith Apollo. As someone who has tried lots of different diets, lost lots of weight, put on lots of weight and done it all several times, I though it was time to try something radically different. Paul McKenna has helped millions of people around the world, including countless celebrities, so I thought I would give it a go.

Paul explains his system

And his system is different. He urges you to throw away anything with low-fat written on it, eat only what you want and when you want it, and says you will never need to diet again! Paul says he has made himself very unpopular with the multi-million pound diet industry because in effect he says that no diets work forever, and his system is different because it re-trains your brain and body to know when it needs nutrition, what it needs and how much it needs. This means you don’t end up putting on the weight you lost again, because you are relearning good habits which will last a lifetime. 

Practising mirror exercises

As well as that he showed us how to retrain our brains to accept what we see in the mirror and change the negative things we say to ourselves. On the scale (in the photo above) the lady said she felt like a 9 out of 10 on the ugly scale – which we all found quite shocking. (It’s actually to the left of the photo, so you can’t see that part of the scale.) By the time Paul had spoken to her and taken her through the exercises, she said she felt like a 6 out of 10 on the beauty scale. That’s quite a shift!

Tackling addictions – in this lady’s case – chocolate!

Paul also spoke about food addictions, cravings and mindless eating. Most of the time this sort of eating is trying to fill some sort of emotional hunger, not physical hunger. We learnt how to tell the difference and learnt techniques to deal with those cravings should they arise.

Naturally as one would expect, Paul hypnotised us all several times; suggesting to our unconscious minds that we could be more mindful of our eating and stop when full. During our lunch break, I ordered exactly what I wanted to eat, savoured each bite and to my amazement, only managed to eat about half what I normally eat. I felt satisfied and for the first time in years, left some food on my plate. I was already starting to gain back control of my eating.

At break time, I had a coffee and spent some time admiring the historic building. 

The beautiful ceiling shows off the Art Deco stylings

 Many of the features are originals from 1932 when the building then know as the Gaumont Palace Cinema opened

The building was given Grade II* listed status in 2005

‘That’s all interesting but will it work?‘ I hear you ask. Well, I have only been using the system for two weeks now, and I have to say it has been really easy. I have never felt more in control of my own eating and desires for food (- I am a real foodie!) In fact I was worried about it working ‘too well’ because I didn’t want to lose my love of food. In reality I have found that this system just enhances my appetite because a core part of it is about appreciating and savouring each mouthful. And my clothes no longer feel as though they are trying to cut me in half or strangle me.

‘Will it work in the long term?‘ I would say that to have any lasting change, obviously I have to keep it up and ensure that I don’t just slip back into old habits of denying myself certain foods, skipping meals, over-eating and so on. Also Paul did say that the title of his system ‘I Can Make You Thin’ is a misnomer. No one else can make you thin; only you can. Personally, I don’t want to be ‘thin’;  I just want to feel happy in my skin, be able to wear clothes that I like and return to my natural (maintainable) weight.

Amazing Fact#1

I think this is actually going to change my life forever.

Amazing Fact #2

I can teach it to you! I am experienced in all of the NLP techniques that Paul uses and as I am not a celebrity hypnotist I am far more affordable and easier to track down!

Get in touch:

If you would like to ask any questions about this or any other post or what I do, leave me a comment or message me via Facebook, email or Twitter. 

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Time management, and completing tasks, one step at a time…

I don’t know about you, but one of the things that sometimes holds me back from getting on with things that I want to achieve is the enormity of the task. To help me with this,  I break things down into little steps and tick them off a I go. Seems really simple but it works!

I also notice that by listing and ticking off what I have achieved that day, I feel as though I am moving towards my goal, instead of away from it. Each tiny step has been recognised and even though I am sometimes puzzling over something for days, it comes to me eventually. I just have to trust that the knots in my wooly mind will untangle, if I give them enough time!

One of the best bits of advice that has helped me, is spending 30 minutes on a project every day. That adds up over the week and means that  saying ‘I haven’t got enough time’ doesn’t excuse me from working towards my goals.

Time Management

Being self-employed has taught me to become much more ruthless about my work-time. I found it very difficult at first to discipline myself, and tended to put off the boring bits (which inevitably needed to be done) and just focused on the creative parts that I enjoyed the most. I am now at the stage where I plan my time much better, so I allocate time-slots to different types of work or different areas. I also block out whole days for bigger projects – for example if I am planning some training for a school. 

One of the best things I learnt as a teacher was how to manage my time. In a fifteen minute tea break, I would make a cup of tea, visit the loo, talk to someone, use the photo copier and meet with a child to discuss a problem! I must have managed to say the minimum amount of words to ensure the key points were shared and then got back to teach the next lesson. 

I know that for me time is elastic – some forms of thinking require a lot more time and mental space, with limited distractions. If I am planning, studying or working on something new, my phone is on silent and I ensure that I have a clear diary. I leave tasks that involve going out, being on the phone or internet for a while for other times. I am also very efficient at completing household chores as I know that I have to have a clean and tidy environment in which to work.

I also take lots of breaks. That is another wonderful thing about working from home! I can make a cup of tea whenever I want to and can have as many loo breaks as I like (which you can’t do as a teacher)!

What have you learnt about time management from your job? When do you work best – in the mornings, afternoons or evenings? And what sorts of strategies have you come up with to help you make the most of your time?

I would love to hear what you think about this or any other post, so leave me a comment or drop me a line via the contact form 🙂

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What do I really want?

In my capacity as a teacher, and more specifically as a Literacy specialist, I have been thinking a lot about doing some training in the area of dyslexia. I am sure that there are many pupils who I could help even more, with some background knowledge in this area.

Despite searching on various web-sites and speaking to people who might know, I still haven’t managed to find the right course for me. I know that I am looking for a course with direct teaching, which means it needs to be in an accessible place, and one which gives me an overview and some skills which I can use to assess and support pupils.

I signed up to a course today and almost as soon as I had filled in the online application form, I felt I had made a mistake. The feeling continued all day, until the evening, when on further consideration, I realised that this particular course goes far deeper than I want to go. It leads to a Masters in Special and Inclusive Education, which at this stage would lead me off on a tangent from where I am going in my career. 

As soon as I made the decision that I am not going to take up the place, I felt much better, as I was beginning to feel quite stressed! I realise now how far I have come in terms of listening to my heart and recognising my internal incongruence signals.

I have learnt today more about what I do want, because now I am sure about what I don’t want!

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Vision Boards – Making your own

In a previous post I talked about why I like using vision boards and how they have helped me to think and feel differently about my goals, and in turn, achieve them. You can read more about this here. In this post I will give you guidance to make your own.

Preparation

 As you will need to find lots of images to stick onto the board, collect a variety of magazines to cut up. I also like to draw my images or find them on Google. (As you are only using them for your personal use, you don’t need to worry about copyright.) You will also need a board of some description – I use A4 or A3 thick card or you could use a cork noticeboard for a larger version. A very powerful image to use on your board is one of yourself. Choose a photograph that you like and one where you felt happy and look great. Grab some glue, pens and embellishments of your choice and you are ready to start.

Step 1 – Collecting

If you have a clear goal…

 You may be very clear about your goal and already have a vivid picture of what it would be like if you gained it. In this case, searching the internet maybe easier because you can use Google to find the specific images that you need. Before you begin take a moment to ask yourself what you want and sit quietly with this intention in your mind. Now you are ready to start a collection of images which inspire and excite you. 

If you are unsure about a goal but want to find direction…

A vision board is also very useful to help you find out what you want. In this case, flick through the magazines and pull out pictures of anything you like and are drawn to. They may not mean anything to you currently, or even consciously, just allow your imagination to have fun. You can ask yourself ‘what do I want?’. You may just feel a one word answer like ‘beauty’ – collect images which reflect this for you.

Step 2 – Selecting

This is where you look at the collection of images you have amassed and discard any which no longer create interest or hold meaning for you. As you look through them, note down any words that pop into your head, as they can be added to your board to give another dimension. If you are unsure why you chose certain pictures, ask yourself – ‘what is this telling me?’. Chances are you will know the answer. If you don’t, but still love the picture, use it anyway.

Step 3 – Assembling

Stick your images onto the board using your intuition as a guide. Add colour, texture, pattern, glitter, words – whatever makes your goal more vivid and desirable. A photograph of yourself stuck in the middle of the board can be a simple way to create a link in your mind between you and your desires.

Step 4 – Displaying and observing

The final step is to display your board where you will see in regularly. I used one of my boards for a long-term goal on my bedside table. I saw it before I went to bed each night and when I woke up every morning.

* I would love to hear any comments you have about vision boards or about your experiences with using them. Please get in touch if you have anything to share. Thanks. *

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Vision Boards and goals for the new year

The concept of vision boards to help you plan your future goals has been around for a long time. If you don’t know what one is, it is essentially a board with cut-out pictures stuck onto it (from magazines or the internet) which illustrate a goal or goals that you have. Usually you would have a photo of yourself somewhere on the board too.

I think that if your brain knows what your goal will look like when you have it, you are more likely to be able to achieve that goal and that when you bring parts of your subconscious thinking and conscious thinking together, they can work together more easily. They also keep each other in check so that you actually work towards your goals, rather than just wishing for them. This is different to ‘The Law of Attraction’ because it incorporates the ‘how will I get there?’.

If you have made one before, do you think it helped you to achieve your goals? What tips could you offer someone else who might want to plan for the new year? Here’s what I found out about vision boards.

The first time I encountered vision boards was slightly by accident. On the last day of my old job, I gave a little PowerPoint presentation instead of a leaving speech (mainly to give me something to focus on and help me not to cry, and secondly because I thought it would be a nice way to share some photos from over the years). So I gave the presentation which mainly consisted of pictures of my lovely friends and some humorous stories.  Now the last page was the most interesting to me, because although the old memories were great, I needed to make the future compelling and exciting enough for me to want to leave in the first place. I also wanted to show my colleagues and friends what was in store for me and so they could wish me well on my journey.

On the last page were various pictures of my future goals:

  •  A trainer presenting in front of a big crowd (This was the new job I was about to start – but it was a big promotion and was way out of my comfort zone)
  • Myself with my partner smiling in a photo
  • My darling cat
  • Photos of plane tickets, maps of various places, passports
  • A picture of a cute house and garden

 The presentation went well; people laughed, there were a few tears. The thing that has stuck in my mind since that day was the last page featuring the bright and compelling future. I did not have a time frame set around my goals, and at times I wondered if I would be able to pull any of them off, but amazingly enough I achieved them all over the next 18 months!

During that time I got married and went travelling around the world for 6 months. My new home has been decorated to reflect my personality and make space for another to share with me. Having learnt so much from that new job, I decided to finally live my dream of travelling, and opened my mind to the possibility of starting a completely new career. And so on went my journey… and it continues still 🙂

Don’t get me wrong- I am sure I would have achieved all of those things without my goals being illustrated on a PowerPoint (!), but I am aware that I respond well to images and visuals (my memories are vivid pictures and moving films) and even though I was not intending it that way, the pictures helped me to form my goals in a way that made me really want to achieve them. I realise now that to me, vision boards are like an extended and more permanent version of a list, or a mind map.

I use a combination of  techniques to help me plan, organise and even to make decisions- including mind mapping, brainstorming and making lists.

 A mind map (of sorts) to solve a problem

A more traditional mind map – a diary of a weekend away Example of brainstorming ideas for a training day

The humble list – a useful tool

*Tony Buzan’s Mind mapping books are a great way to learn more about how we organise and plan our thoughts. *

Planning your future

I like to plan some things but I also like the flexibility of being able to be impulsive and ‘live in the moment’. The latter has taken me a long time to learn to do. It did not come easily to me and I have now learnt some ways to be able to bring myself back to the present – one of them is setting long-term goals and making them more vivid in my imagination by using vision boards.

If you call a taxi to take you on a journey, you need to know where you are now and where you want to go. Obviously you need the funds to cover the cost of the journey. You might want to find out more about the taxi driver or the journey (e.g. the estimated journey time or what car to look out for). You don’t really need to know how you will get from point A to point B at this stage (although if the driver is taking you the long way around, or is completely off the route, you will need to know that so you can intervene). You also need to know when you have reached your destination. You might even tweak the journey it a bit, or have an extra stop, like asking the taxi driver to stop at a cash point.

How will you know when you have reached your destination?

Where am I now? Where do I want to go?

So if point A is the present (where you are now) and point B is the future, (where you want to go) you just need to want to go to point B at this stage. If your future goal(s) at point B are desirable, compelling, strong words, images and feelings you are more likely to get there if they are foggy and unclear. What if they are foggy and unclear?

A vision board can help you gain clarity about what you want to achieve.

Sometimes we focus so much on how we will get from A to B that we struggle to get there. 

If you focus on the future – what you want to achieve, making bright, clear, attractive, warm pictures, your sub-conscious mind will work out the how.

There will be more on the steps of making your own VB later!

An Example of a Vision Board I have used

One of my long term goals has been health related and although I can’t say that I never experience the issues I used to have, they seem to arise less often, and when they do, they are less of a problem. I know I feel so much better because my attitudes towards my own health have changed. Instead of being angry and frustrated about feeling under-the-weather, I take responsibility for my well-being by having enough rest, taking exercise, eating well, enjoying myself and keeping my brain as well as my body happy by making time to enjoy my hobbies. I no longer look at the situation as if I am ‘a person with illness x’, I am not ‘ill’. By changing the way I speak about my health (as opposed to my illness) I have changed the way I think about it, and in turn feel about it.

I used to have a bad feeling about the physical symptoms I had. Now when I experience the physical symptoms, I remove the bad feeling. The feeling about the feeling has changed! So it feels less of a problem. It is what it is, nothing more and nothing less. By acknowledging it, sometimes that’s enough to make it go away. If it doesn’t, I ask myself why it’s there? I have learnt to trust my subconscious to help me. The vision board below has been on my bedside table for a year. It has been the last thing I have seen at night and the first thing I have seen in the morning. Both consciously and subconsciously it has helped me to remember my goal and keep working at it. I am going to keep this board nearby as a reminder and make some room for my new year boards.

Example of a vision board I have used for over a year

I’d love to hear your questions or thoughts on vision boards – please drop me a line or leave me a comment below. 

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New Avenues

Hello and welcome to my journal.  I have been studying NLP for a while, and now I notice elements of NLP everywhere I go! NLP has been called ‘the study of human excellence’ (amongst many other labels it has attributed to it), and I thought this was a good way to share my ponderings with you. Even though there is such a wealth of information on this subject on the internet, I haven’t found a personal view of a student like me. I hope you will find some topics of interest here.

This journey really started back in 2006 when it was time to make changes in my life. After a period of stagnation it dawned on me that only I had the power to change the direction and quality of my life. Many of the issues I was struggling with, I wanted to deal with alone, although close friends and family were a constant support in the background. This realisation was the turning point. 

I am interested to know how other people have felt at similar points in their lives? How did they know when it was time to move on and change things? And why do others, who say they are unhappy, not change things?