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Self Coaching Tip – Create Your Own Luck

Have you ever wanted to do something completely different but doubted whether you could really achieve it? Maybe if you are really lucky, things might fall into place? Are you a lucky person or do you think you can create your own luck?

Four years ago my husband and I fantasised that we could save up some money, jack in our jobs and see the world. When I think about it now, the fact that we actually did it seems unbelievable and the memories seem like a dream. We started our trip in Bulgaria, and from there we drove into Greece, through Macedonia, flying back to London from Sofia. We had one night to re-pack our bags and see our families, before we started our world tour in Delhi. During the next six months, we travelled around India, Bangladesh, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, New Zealand, Fiji, and in the USA – California, Nevada and Arizona, before our final stop in London via New York. It was indeed the trip of a lifetime. It was a time during which I learnt a lot about myself – what I want out of life, how I want to live and who I want to be. I learnt about my own resilience, self-efficacy and sense of adventure; how big the world is and how small I am; the different definitions of living and purpose. I felt so fortunate to have the chance to make this dream into a reality.

Wat Pho (Temple of The Reclining Buddha), Bangkok

When I spoke to people at the time, they all said how lucky we were to be able to do this, and I agree, in part, luck did have something to do with it. I do still think though, that the persistence of not giving up on our dreams was the main reason we were able to do it. We both gave up good jobs, left our home, families, friends, chances of promotion and financial stability, to name but a few, behind. It was ultimately a question of choice and priorities: what we deemed to be most important then versus what we could experience and achieve later. And those decisions weren’t easy. Not only did we have to think about what we wanted to do (which in itself felt quite selfish), but we had to consider the knock-on effects of our choices on both of our families and work-places. We had to consider how and whether we could afford it. Should we spend our savings or keep them for something else? Should we go for a longer time and stretch our budget further? How would our not being here affect others? It took lots of talking, planning, thinking and negotiating before we could set a date.

The day we bought the tickets was the day I started to believe it was actually going to happen. A year before, we had been scribbling down the places we most wanted to go in the world on napkins and drawing red dots on an atlas. That part of the planning had been very exciting – we had both previously travelled independently and had to consider whether we wanted to explore new places together – and did those places fit into the route? But now there was no room for doubt – we had paid our money and we were going no matter what! That’s when some of the real planning began – visas, injections, renting out our house, the finer details of our route, timings and so on. 

I’m telling you all of this today because I don’t think it was all down to luck. Yes, I am lucky and fortunate in many respects, but in this case, there was a lot of hard work and hard decisions I had to make in order to fulfil this life-long dream. I actually created my own luck!

Polonnaruwa, Sri Lanka

  • What are some of the things which you would like to achieve or experience in life? 
  • When you dream of your perfect life, what elements recur for you? 
  • What would you regret not doing if you looked back on your life from your death-bed? 
  • Some dreams might be better as just that, but are there some you want to make a reality? 
  • What can you do to make your dreams more real?

I would love to hear what you think about luck, opportunities and living out your dreams. Have you got a story to share or have a question? Please leave me a comment below or feel free to share this post via Twitter or Facebook so others can read it too.

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Relax Kids CDs and Downloads

As you may know, I am a huge fan of Relax Kids CDs for both children and adults. I have successfully used them myself to help me drift into an undisturbed sleep and have also used them in the classroom, to help get children into a relaxed mode and ready for learning. Even though they are mainly designed to help children get to sleep, they have many other uses. Here’s what some customers have said. They might help you to decide which one is right for you.

It is now even easier to access these short meditations because you can now buy Relax Kids downloads from my site!

Which CD or Download should I buy?

For using with children at bedtime:

 “I bought the Magical Meditation for Superheroes CD for my 3 year old boy. He loves it so much. We take him up to bed and once we have read him a bedtime story he asks for his CD to be put on and he falls asleep listening to it every night.” Julie

“When my baby was going through an unsettled phase, I would put him on a fluffy blanket, stroke his head and play the Quiet Spaces CD. This really calmed him. I find it also helps me to unwind after a busy day.” Kathryn

For teachers to use with children in the classroom:

“My class love the Calmer Classrooms CD. We use it around twice a week and the children really relax. They also like saying the positive affirmations at the end of each meditation.” Claire, Year 3 teacher

For adults to relax at home:

“I use the Nature Meditations CD at home – it relaxes me so much that I find myself waking up as the CD finishes, with no recollection of anything after the first track. Seems to work as a power nap although I wake up feeling refreshed instead of fuzzy-headed.” Rebecca

For aiding a restful night’s sleep:

“I go to sleep listening to the Nature Meditations on my iPod. Since using the CDs my sleep is much improved. It used to take at least 45 minutes  to drop off; now I set the timer for 15 minutes, knowing that I will be asleep before the track finishes. As soon as I hear the voice on the track, I feel totally relaxed which aids in a good night’s sleep.” Bridget

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions and here’s that link again to download Relax Kids meditations as MP3s directly from my site.

Thank you to my friends who gave me their reviews 🙂

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Self Coaching Tip – Focus on The Good Bits

Yesterday I had a chance encounter with someone who has been going through a hard time. She quickly jumped from one bad event to another, describing little snapshots of vivid emotion. In the space of five minutes, my mood went from buoyant, to one where I felt I wanted to help, to one where I felt low myself. I offered an empathetic ear, and tried to offer some support through my listening and acknowledging of her problems. I got the feeling she just needed to offload, and that I was a safe person for her to do that with. When I offered ‘I guess you just need to focus of the good bits,’ she replied ‘there are no good bits.’ Then I said ‘then focus on the least bad bits.’

Whatever filters we are seeing the world through, our experience is subjective. My advice to my colleague may have seemed glib to her, but in that moment where it was a busy work situation, it was the only lifeline I could offer. I am confident that she will work through her problems and some will correct themselves with time on their own, but in that moment, my advice was simple.

When things are going awry, focus on the good bits. 

This is something which is now second nature to me, and even when I’ve had a ‘bad day’ (in whatever sense) there are inevitably elements of good, or in the worst case, less bad. I now naturally remember those. But how do I do this? In NLP terms, playing around with the submodalities helps. For example, when I think about the day I’ve had, I imagine the ‘good bits’ in colour, with movement and dialogue, and the ‘bad bits’ I imagine as small, static black and white pictures. I also try to drain the emotion out of the ‘bad’ scenario and heighten the good feelings in the other (- this is an oversimplification, but it’s the best way I can describe it at present). Another NLP technique which is useful here is reframing. When you hear that someone has had a car accident, you might think ‘Oh what terrible luck to have had an accident,’. Or… you could reframe it as ‘Wow! He was lucky to have not got hurt,’ or ‘…not got hurt even more badly…’

These are both very useful ways to flip a situation in your head, and to change the way you think about a problem or situation. Deal with the problem in your own time, but for now, just focus on the good bits to get you through the day.

As always, I love to hear your thoughts. Leave me a comment below, or on Facebook or via Twitter 🙂

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Weekend Walks – Hampstead

I recently signed up to a website called ‘Me and You Health’ which is an  online community site for promoting better health and well-being. So I was pleased when my daily challenge for today was to go for a walk with someone and chat on the way. This was music to my ears – walking and talking are amongst my two favourite activities, so inspite of the rain, I went for a walk around Hampstead – a beautiful and historic suburb of North West London. I have been to Hampstead lots of times before, but have mostly stuck to the main roads, and Hampstead Heath. To guide me through the historic village, I used a book called ‘Walking Village London’ by Andrew Duncan (you can find it listed in the shop).

Hampstead Tube (built in 1907) is the deepest station on the underground network

The walk started at the tube station, and before long I found myself (mysteriously) in a cafe drinking very luxurious hot chocolate…

After sheltering from the rain, I began the walk which was lovely and quiet because by its very nature, it takes you down back streets and away from the main drag. I loved the Victorian architecture and the mix of buildings, many of which are now private apartments. The proximity of Hampstead to Central London (4 miles to Charing Cross) makes it a very expensive place to live (and looking in estate agents windows certainly proves this). Despite being so close to Central London, Hampstead still has a village air about it; it has markets, winding narrow streets, tons of cafes and lots of communal green spaces. 

Back lane, London NW3

 Further along I noticed this plaque on the side of a building which reads: ‘…Thank almighty God for his special mercy in sparing this parish during the visitation of cholera in the year 1849…’

Looking down from New End towards New End Square, I noticed The Shard which is due for completion in May 2012. It already became the tallest building in the European Union in December and when it is finished it will be 310m tall. 

View of The Shard of Glass from Hampstead

I loved this second hand bookshop down Flask Walk.

 And right next to it was this Banksy-style artwork…

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog

Looking down Flask walk

I then arrived at the Antiques Emporium and wandered through the shops. There were objects and pieces from various eras, but I particulary loved these antique quilts.

Antique quilts and furniture

Walking out onto the main road for a few minutes, I noticed this huge ghost sign on the front of this building:

 An earlier part of the walk took me to St. John’s church and the burial tomb of John Constable, painter of The Hay Wain.

Constable came to live in Hampstead in the 1820’s to escape the pollution of Central London, and breathe the clean air. As his wife suffered from tuberculosis, and he loved to paint on Hampstead Heath, it was a good place for both of them. Constable painted numerous studies of the heath.

John Constable lived here from the 1820’s to his death in 1837.

Well, that concludes my weekend walk from today. I learnt lots of new things about a part of London I have always admired from afar. As my guide book says the only way to really get a feel for a place is to get out there and start exploring. So what are you waiting for? Get those walking shoes on and get out there!

You can read about other walks I have done here:

Lastly, you know I always welcome your comments, so drop me a line below 🙂

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Stepping Back in Time with The Muppets!

As you may know if you read my Valentine’s Day post, my plan for the day was to watch The Muppets in Leicester Square.

Well, if you are of a certain age, you like me will be transported back to a far more innocent time (the late ’70s) if you watch this film. It was truly delightful 🙂 I was laughing my head off in some scenes, but mostly I felt all mushy and warm inside. Perfect for Valentine’s Day! I loved the fact that there is no CGI (that I could see), the producers kept the script simple and the characters were the same as the original ones.

It was lovely to go and see a film and come out of it, feeling nothing but joy 🙂

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Valentine’s Day for Free

I can hardly believe Valentine’s Day is here again so soon, but as it is just around the corner I thought I would compile a quick list of fun ways to celebrate it. I know there are lots of people who like me, don’t go for the commercialised aspect of Valentine’s Day, with all of its marketing and production line-style gifts. I have only once fallen prey to the set menu dinner, which was a whirl of food slammed on the table, a packaged rose and then out! Never again! I also prefer to wait until the actual day is over to mark the occassion, if I do decide to go out for a meal, to avoid the manufactured feeling and price-tag! If you are trying to think of a more home-made way to show your love and have a little fun, maybe my list will help!

1. Make your own card – Let out your inner artist and create something original.

2. Go for a walk – Try a new place that you have always wanted to go to, but haven’t got round to. It’s fun to explore a new place together. Secret London is full of hidden gems!

3. Play a game – Embrace that inner child and play a board game or make one up with its own rules, forfeits and prizes!

4. Cook a meal together – Choose a course each or share the prepping, cooking and cleaning up. 

5. Bake biscuits – Fun and delicious! These biscuit recipes are from BBC Good Food.

6. Write a love letter – Or write one each and read them out together. Make it even more special with beautiful handmade or recycled paper. You could use tissue paper or create a wash with water colours.

7. Dress up, wear a wig, choose outfits for each other and go out! This one is really fun as no one else will get the joke!

8. Have a living room disco – A personal favourite!

9. Leave love messages around – Write on the mirror with soap and stick up Post-it notes declaring your love!

10. Create a photo montage – A fun way to remember shared memories.

11. Try out a Treasure Trail or guided walk – This is similar to Number 2, but the research and hard work is done for you.  Treasure Trails (UK-wide, downloadable or they can come by post) and my favourite London walks – Green City Walks. Inexpensive and loads of fun! 

12. Paint a picture of each other  (It doesn’t matter whether you can paint, it’s about having fun!)

13. Make a music compilation – Remember the days of the mixed tape? A lovely way to capture your favourite special songs and share with your lover.

14. Give a massage – Here are the basics to get you started, but if you’re experienced, go with your instincts. Massage basics by Easy Vigour and here’s a massage technique video by Alexazoic.

15. Create your own floral display – Using a little imagination you can make a supermarket bunch of flowers look more original. Mix two small bunches together, unwrap and re-wrap with your own paper, or mix in some foliage you have picked yourself. I prefer simple flowers to overly dressed-up bouquets 🙂 Try this spring flower arrangement video by Mel1408 for inspiration.

16. Make cocktails – Whatever your tipple, alcoholic or non, teas, coffees or juices, be creative and name your new drink for your lover.

17. Take a class together – Learning sparks the creativity and imagination, so doing a new activity together is not only fun, but can be a bonding experience!

18. Try out a new sport – similar to Number 17.

19. Watch an old movie – Snuggle up and enjoy!

20. Talk to each other – If you do nothing else, do this one! And talk whenever you can – this is what keeps us connected and bonded to one another.

Of course they say the best things in life are free, so let your imagination go wild! I could have mentioned poetry, writing a song, making a gift, performing a dance…

And there are dozens of single’s Valentine’s events, for example: Where to Celebrate Being Single by Fluid London.

I will be marking the occasion with The Muppets new film and watching my cousin’s band Leo’s Garden perform at The Water Rats, London, and a combo of ideas from above. Have fun whatever you do and leave me a comment if you have an idea to share! 🙂

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Self Coaching Tip – Do Something Difficult

Looking down on Curral das Freiras, Madeira. I have been persisting with trying to write this blog for 18 months now, and it has been something which I have found really hard. To start with, I felt as though I didn’t know much about technology, and even though I enjoyed reading other blogs on diverse subjects, I wasn’t sure whether anyone would be interested in anything I had to say. After talking to other bloggers, I finally took the plunge, nervously I might add. On the one hand, I wondered if anyone had seen my post, and on the other, I was scared that anybody would have! I was very self-conscious about it and didn’t really tell anyone that I had started a blog.

Even now, after 18 months I find it very hard. I am incredibly chatty and have lots of ideas, thoughts and feelings about many subjects, but writing about them has been a huge challenge for me. I am still finding my ‘voice’ as it were. So, it would make sense to just stop writing, which would save me lots of time and effort, but that is precisely the reason I have to carry on. The fact that it is so hard for me, gives me even greater satisfaction when I publish a blog post, or I hear that someone else has benefited from what I have learnt. 

 Persistence and resilience are king in this tip, but I am also going to practice writing, specifically free writing (just allowing myself to write about whatever comes into my head without a particular format). I think that will help me to clarify my ideas before I sit down at the computer and might make it less difficult for me.

To benefit from this self coaching tip, I would urge you to:

do something new that you find difficult, or persist a little longer at something you are thinking of abandoning.

You might just find it brings you more than you expected. 

If you have any thoughts on this subject, please leave me a comment or press the ‘share’ buttons below. 

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Visit to Edinburgh and Climbing Arthur’s Seat

I have always wanted to visit Edinburgh, so I took the opportunity to do so when I was last up in Northumberland, just before Christmas. However, the idea of walking around the shops three days before Christmas was the last thing I wanted to do, so instead the day was spent exploring Holyrood Park and climbing Arthur’s Seat, an ancient volcano.

Beautiful lake on the climb up. It took me 30 minutes to climb to this bit.

View of Edinburgh from Arthur’s Seat (still a climb to the top)

The top of Arthur’s Seat! 251 metres up in the air!

Doing this climb was quite a challenge for me, being rather unfit! Luckily, it was a dry and fair day, although it was pretty cold. Climbing up was hard in terms of breathing (I was huffing and puffing a lot), but climbing down was tricky because it looked a lot steeper in real life than it does in the photos! There was one bit which where it was hard to get a firm foot hold, so I just wriggled down on my bottom 🙂

This may not look steep, but it felt like it at the time!

I was really chuffed that I managed to complete this climb. It’s something that I would have been too afraid to attempt in the past, given the history of my arthritis. It took me longer than most people, and there were people jogging near the top (!), but this was still a good achievement for me. Everytime I do something new which I have never done before, I feel great.

If you liked this post, you might like Self Coaching Tip – Do Something Difficult, which is on a similar subject. As ever, please leave me a comment below or click ‘share’ to post on Facebook or Twitter!

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Self Coaching Tips – Get Involved in Local Events

I recently saw this poster while walking in my local park:

Enfield Parks Outreach Programme poster

Interested, I looked on my borough website to find out more. I was pleased to find that the the local parks outreach team organise free walks every month, and I went to my first one in December. It was called ‘The History and Mystery Tour’ of Trent Park (which I have blogged about before in the post ‘Weekend Walks – Trent Park’). The walk was a couple of hours long, and there were about ten of us in all. I could see that some of the others already knew each other from previous events, and some of us had never been along before. It was informative and fun, a good way to meet new people and do a little exercise. The length of time, distance covered and meeting place were all clearly marked on the website, and Alan our guide was very enthusiastic! I will definitely be going to more of these and

getting involved!

Here are some pictures from that morning. 

 A cold December morning in Trent Park

View of the Mansion House from the Obelisk, Trent Park

View of the obelisk from the Mansion House, Trent Park

 

Looking up the obelisk

The obelisk in Trent Park, North London

Going on an organised walk like this is a good way to get more involved in local events, find out about the history of the area where you live and if you want, to make new friends. I use my local council website to view event listings and I also look at Timeout London regularly. Local papers are always a good source of finding out about events, and Google can be your best friend. There are a wealth of activities and events to get involved in out there, so if you have been stuck indoors during these cold weeks, why not make some plans to get stuck in? It’s a great way to learn something new, re-energise yourself and maybe even make some new friends with common interests. 

Do you go to or run local events? Feel free to share your ideas by leaving me a comment below, or usinf the Facebook or Twitter buttons! Thanks!

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Self Coaching Tip – Create Beauty in Your Home

I love these Narcissi bulbs because you can watch each one slowly sprout into bloom and they smell gorgeous. This self-coaching tip is really simple.

Brighten up your environment with some beautiful flowers and bring the outdoors in.

If flowers are not your thing, hang up a picture or display an ornament which inspires or relaxes you. I find that I can think better and I feel better when my home is tidy, and conversely mess stresses me out!

In NLP terms, the environment where you live is the simplest component you can change or improve in the Neuro-Logical Levels (Robert Dilts, 1990). 

If you don’t have much space, just dedicate one surface or wall to the place where you will create a little beauty in your home. Keep that space clutter-free and make sure it is where you can relax and gaze at it often. It will bring a little joy to your day.