Author: Zeenat Ahmed-Peto

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Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone

Today’s post is written by a guest blogger, Ree Ree Rockette of Rockalily Cuts. It continues the theme of creating your own happiness. Enjoy!

Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone and Leaving

What You Know for What You Love

Teaching was definitely deep within my comfort zone; being in control, a cause I felt passionate about, a respectable career path, a clear path to promotion. But yet, it wasn’t quite enough for me. I liked it, but the idea of doing it for the next ten years caused a wave of panic through my veins!

I was good at teaching, and really wasn’t sure what else I could ever be good at. I’d never been creative, never been particularly practical with my hands, or had any talents with an obvious value.

Ree Ree is now a blogger and business woman

I think I started with a brainstorming session. My blog had been gaining its own legs, so I started by thinking about whether my blog could become anything else. Could any of my new experiences in my part time job (stage managing burlesque shows) or my blogging lead me to any new career paths?

It was pretty obvious that I didn’t really want to work for someone else, although of course I knew I’d need a part time job while I started something of my own. What would I love doing, if it wasn’t teaching?!

Rather than the scary task of flicking through career books, I started by dreaming of my dream day. Did I want to start early or late? Did I want to work solo or with a team? Did I like deadlines? Did I want an office or a job I could do at home? I then moved on to considering what my actual talents and skills were. What transferrable skills had I developed?

Another perk of running your own business: the salon dog, Ellington makes himself at home

I also asked people who knew me, what they thought I’d be good at. The answers sometimes surprised me, but they always made me reflect on what I wanted my life to become.

Eventually the path led to creating my own lipstick brand, and recently to opening my own hair salon in London. Part of my soul will always be a teacher, but this is definitely what I love. I get to challenge my brain, stretch my personal abilities, and measure my success by concrete achievements. I have loved learning about business, branding and marketing, and I also get to pass on some of my experiences with the business group I set up, called Wonderful Women: Minding Our Own Business.

It wasn’t obvious at the start what I loved, and I definitely liked teaching a lot, but in the end (and I’m only at the beginning really!) I found the right path for me. And I love it.

Ree Ree Rockette’s website is Rockalily.com. You can find her salon Rockalily Cuts at 205a, Kingsland Road, London, E2 8AN.

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How Your Friends Affect Your Happiness

In my last post I spoke about Spending Time Wisely and this post is almost a continuation of that theme. How often have you spent time with someone, then left and felt dragged down by the encounter? If, like me, you only have limited amounts of time in which to socialise, it’s important that you choose to spend your time with positive people who help you feel good. I read recently that you are the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with – so choose wisely! Not everyone is naturally positive or able to spread their joy, and some people are full of pain or sadness. In that case, you can be the one to bring the positivity to the party. It is amazing the affect you can have on others – even a little drip drip of positive language or reframing of words can make an impact over time.

There is a pre-supposition in NLP which says ‘we cannot not influence each other’ – because we are all connected and are part of a living system.* So if you believe that…

Why not choose to be with others who contribute to your overall happiness?

Top Tips for Choosing ‘Positive Friends’

  • Think about which people in your life make you feel your happiest, most alive and energised self. Make arrangements to see them more.
  • Find like-minded people and people with similar interests. If you don’t know anyone with your interests, find them through groups like Meet-up.
  • Spend time with people who you find exciting.
  • Get involved in events which bring people together.
  • When confronted by negativity, gently re-phrase what the person says. Chances are they are so used to their way of thinking; it might be a refreshing change.
  • Try to reduce the encounters you have with anyone who drags you down.
  • If the people who think in a negative way can’t be avoided, gently challenge their way of thinking by turning their thoughts into more positive ones. Over time, this will have some degree of impact.

If you are giving your time to others and are not happy with how you feel afterwards, there may be deeper issues at play. Examine what is causing the bad feelings and try to isolate them. This may need to change or be eliminated somehow. Drop me a line to find out how coaching could help.

*You can read more about social network theory in the book Connected by Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler which you can find in the shop. 


As always, if you like what you have read, use the buttons to share it with others, or leave me a comment or question below 🙂

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Self Coaching Tip: Spend Your Time Wisely

Today is a watershed day for me. It is exactly 20 years to the day that I lost my Dad. Until now, I had known him for more years than I had not known him, but today that changed. 

It made me realise even more acutely than usual, that our time here is limited and so we should spend it the way we want to and not the way we ought to, should do or must do. 

Caroline from Life is Limitless shared the song ‘Ten Things’ (Paul Baribeau) on her blog recently, and the lyrics made a huge impact on me – specifically the chorus line which goes: 

“and right now all you have is time time time yeah,
but someday that time will run out.
That’s the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.”

It makes me realise that I need to make time for those things which bring me joy but I ‘don’t have time for’. My life is not going to get less busy any time soon (and if it did, I would just find new things to do anyway), so that means I need to eke out those extra little bits of time here and there for my many interests!

The Currency of Time

 We talk about ‘spending’ time, ‘saving’ time, ‘giving’ time, taking time over things. It seems to me that nowadays time, (along with money) is one of our most precious commodities. For me there are never enough hours in the day, I always want to do the things I enjoy for longer and feel as though I have only just got started…!

Pushed for Time

  • Do you ever find yourself wanting to do things you love, but are unable to find the time for? 
  • Do you have your weekends, holidays and time-off booked up months in advance? 
  • Do you ever feel like you are running on a treadmill and are unable to stop?

I have felt some of these things at times, and one thing is for sure, there is a finite amount of time in a day. Despite the size of my workload or pre-agreed committments, I can’t create time where there isn’t any. So I need to rearrange/reconsider/recalculate/juggle/come up with some new ideas. So with that in mind, here are my

Top Ten Tips for Spending your Time (More) Wisely

1. Decide what you have to do – Work to pay the bills, eat, feed family, sleep… e.t.c.

2. Decide what you would love to do (if you had the time).

3. Decide what can go, be done by some other means, done by someone else (delegate or employ someone to do it)?

4. Find out where you are wasting time – (internet browsing, watching bad t.v…) Claw back time from those places.

5. Find empty blocks of time and find ways to utilise those e.g. Carry a book/tablet with you for trains, tubes, waiting rooms, use your diary/Outlook /calendar to plan and check off regularly.

6. Giving time – When you decide to give your time to others, give it freely and feel good about it, otherwise don’t do it.

7. Taking others’ time – respect other people’s time. They are choosing to give it to you, so be on time and be mindful of how much of it you are taking. Think about what you can give back.

 8. Stop and notice what is around you. Appreciate the place and time that you are in. Each moment is unique and won’t be the same again!

9. Make the most of your time. Rather than dwelling in negativity, learn from your mistakes. If there are no mistakes and it is all just feedback, what can you do differently?

10. Time is elastic – sometimes it drags and sometimes it rushes by. Manipulate time to feel like it’s going slower by packing more short tasks or activities into a day – but being mindful of what you are doing and doing things you enjoy. Get rid of the things you don’t enjoy (see numbers 3 & 4) and start living the life you want.

Our time here is limited! What are you going to do with yours?

If you would like to explore how to make the most of your time further, contact me to arrange your free consulation call now!

As always, if you like what you have read, use the buttons to share it with others, or leave me a comment or question below 🙂

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Self coaching Tip: Tend Your Garden, Visit Your ‘Wells’

This afternoon I finally spent some time in my garden. I have been meaning to get out there to remove the dead plants and replace them with beautiful living ones for weeks, but given that we are currently experiencing a rather ‘rainy drought’ it hasn’t been very conducive to getting down to work. However, today was perfect: sunny, warm and bright 🙂 I really enjoyed being outdoors and actually felt hot while I was working! (For my international readers, it hasn’t been very summery yet, even though it’s May!)

In all I was out there for about 2 hours, and it felt lovely to feel the outdoor air in my lungs and the sun on my skin. Even though I go out for walks regularly, it made me remember how much I love being outside in the garden, looking after my plants.

Here are some of my freshly potted plants:

 

It reminded me of something I learnt long ago about ‘wellness’. I was on a course about Circle Time (which is when teachers and their classes sit in a circle and talk about personal or social issues e.g. bullying) – run by the Circle Time guru Jenny Mosely. In amongst all of the ways for teachers to support our pupils’ wellbeing was something, which at that time I did not think was mentioned enough – the wellbeing of the teachers.

The idea is that we have many ‘wells’ where we go to explore and enjoy life. Gardening is one of the activities that covers many of these wells, and the idea is to find a balance between them and visit each of them regularly. Teachers in particular tend to work flat out in term time, only taking a break (and visiting the wells) in the holidays. As some one who has lived through that job and has come out the other side, I can safely say, that is not conducive to living a healthy lifestyle. 

 So what are these wells, and what do they include? I’ll describe them here:

The Cognitive Well:

This includes reading, watching plays, films, theatre,debating ideas, planning or structuring ideas and thinking things through. Using logic to form arguments or understand information. These are traditionally thought of as more left-brain activities. Just like a muscle, the mind shrinks if it is unstimulated, so use it or lose it!

Cognitive Well: I always have a book or Kindle in my bag for journeys

The Emotional Well:

This is filled when you make time for fun and enjoying the company of others through stable loving relationships with a partner, family or friends. This well provides opportunities to express feelings in supportive relationships. (I would add to that, it is important to surround yourself with positive people. If people in your family or friend circles bring you down, it’s time to meet some new people to redress the balance.)

Emotional Well: Having fun in the sun

 The Creative Well

The purpose of this well is to enjoy all of your senses and imagination; a place to appreciate all of the arts -writing, drawing, singing, dancing, playing with colour, texture, sound, scent, taste and movement. In NLP the representational systems that we experience life through are known as VAKOG – visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory and gustatory. If you are stronger in one sense than another, it is likely that you function in that sense a lot e.g. A creative person is likely to be predominantly visual. The key to improving your overall experience of life is to work on improving your other senses e.g. Taking dance classes to experience more of your kinesthetic side or cookery classes to improve your olfactory and gustatory senses.

Creative Well: Watching Poi being performed in Thailand

The Physical Well

In order to enjoy good emotional health, it is important that you are physically healthy too. Exercising regularly, learning relaxation techniques including deep breathing and stretching, having massages, eating well, drinking more water and ensuring that you get enough sleep are all good ways to improve the life of the body you are living in. I think physical closeness and human touch are important too.

Physical Well: Secret kisses

The Spiritual Well

This is about renewing your sense of wonder and awe with the world. You may reach this level through your religious beliefs, through meditation or by taking time to be in nature or by just sufficiently stilling the mind so you can experience energy, beauty and grace. I find that travel, seeing new places and learning about the extraordinary achievements of others remind me of how tiny I am am how huge the universe is!

Spiritual Well: Looking out into The Atlantic Ocean, Madeira

  • Which wells do you visit most often? 
  • Do you tend to stick to certain ones and neglect others? 
  • Are there areas of your life that you could explore to improve your quality of life?

    • Find the balance within yourself and visit all of the wells on a regular basis

    Looking at these now, I realise how much progress I have made over the last few years. There was a time, not so long ago, that I hardly visited any of these wells at all, as I was living a different (unfulfilled) life. I’m happy to say, that I am now living every day to the full and will never neglect my own well-being again.

    I’d love to hear what you think about this post, so as always, leave me a comment below or on Facebook or in the Twitterverse!

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    Weekend Walks: St. Paul’s Cathedral

    This is a very simple post – just some beautiful pictures from a trip I made to the St. Paul’s area last week. Enjoy!

    The Young Lovers statue, Festival Gardens, outside the cathedral

    View of St. Paul’s Cathedral, taken from the south side

    London in bloom, taken near Paternoster Square

     

    The famous domed roof, and a statue of St. Paul

    Admiring the view from the top of the One New Change building, City of London 

    Taken from the Paternoster Square side

     Statue of Queen Anne, outside St. Paul’s Cathedral

    You can see more photos of the statue of Queen Anne in an earlier post.

    Photographed from Ludgate Hill

    St. Paul’s Cathedral, photographed from the Millennium Bridge, south side

    St Paul’s Cathedral, photographed from outside The Tate Modern

    If you liked my photos, you might like to look at some of my other weekend walks or photos of London. Or you can share this blog post on Facebook or Twitter, or leave me a comment below.

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    Weekend Walks: The Shard of Glass

    I have been watching The Shard of Glass (also known as The Shard) grow from many different angles all over London over the last couple of years and couldn’t help taking photos of it! So I thought I would share some of them with you here. 

    Taken from the Docklands Light Railway, just beneath The Shard. This building has had a mixed reception; I love it, but others have said that it’s not in keeping with the rest of London’s old buildings. It is much much bigger than anything else in London (3 times the size of The Gherkin and the tallest building in Western Europe), but I like the way it tapers into the sky. It reminds me of a church steeple, which is something you see all over London. I like the way London is full of historic and modern building and sights all juxtaposed against each other.

    The top of The Shard was still being constrcuted here. These photos were taken in April 2012.

    This photo was taken from the top of One New Change Shopping Centre, St. Paul’s (on the north side of The Thames).

    A close-up!

    Also from the top of One New Change.

    Taken from More London Place. Now that’s a location! Looking to my right I could see The Shard, to my left Tower Bridge and behind it The Tower of London, HMS Belfast behind me and City Hall ahead. Wow!

    What an amazing place to live – under London Bridge!

    Taken outside City Hall (on my left) on the night of the mayoral election! I expected to see lots of Londoners around, but no! It was just tourists and a few policemen!

    What do you think of The Shard and other ultra-modern buildings? Do you think they add something or spoil a part of this great city?

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    New challenges: Cognitive Hypnotherapy

    Spring in London, Regent’s ParkThis weekend was really exciting for me as I began fulfilling a long-wished-for dream – I have begun my training to be a cognitive hypnotherapist. I am really excited (and slightly daunted) by the prospect of leaning so much more about hypnotherapy, the mind and NLP, and how I can use these skills to support my clients. I had spent ages looking for the right course, and as soon as I had my interview, I knew it was the right place for me. This weekend was full of exciting content and I felt a deepening in a lot of my understandings. The new techniques and philosophies I will be learning sit really well with what I have already learnt, so I feel that I can build on the skills I already have and hone new ones. I hope that as well as enjoying the amazing journey, all of this will help me become an even better therapist.

    The picture above is of a beautiful tree I walked past on the way to the college. Even thought it’s is a very busy part of London, I noticed several other people stopping to take a photo of it too 🙂

    The picture below is from Action for Happiness – it sums up how I feel about the work I do.
    Working with people and helping them to be the best they can is what I enjoy the most

    If you’d like to talk to me more about NLP, hypnotherapy or anything else, drop me a line or connect via Facebook or Twitter. I look forward to hearing from you!

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    Self Coaching Tip: How To Be Happy

    I am sure this sounds like a weird title for a blog post: I mean can there really be a step by step answer to this question? It is probably the most universally asked question and one that has been asked for as long as man has been in existence: How can I be happier?

    Before I tried to answer that for myself, I guess I needed to consider ‘what is happiness?’ and what does it mean to me? How each person defines it might be slightly (or very) different to my idea of happiness, and it might depend on cultural norms and expectations of what other people want from their lives.

    I have realised (because I probably always knew inside) that:

    • I love being around other people
    • I love learning and challenging myself
    • I love to do things by myself and for myself
    • I love being outdoors and discovering things about the world

    So I make sure I do more of those things that make me happy. 

    The poster below from the Action for Happiness website (and others like it)  inspired me so much, that I downloaded them and stuck them up on the wardrobe door next to my bed. The Great Dream poster reminds me to have an attitude of gratitude, connect with others, remember the highlights of my day, think about the new learnings I have had, consider any difficult moments from a different point of view, and visualise what I hope for the next day, all before I go to sleep. Powerful stuff! 

    Great Dream poster, Action for Happiness

     Alongside the posters are my vision boards. The picture on the top right shows a dusty track running through a grassy meadow. In the centre is a heart shape (made by someone’s fingers) with a bright light shining through. This represents what I want from life. Lots of the other pictures I have chosen for my vision boards are metaphors and represent an idea – not a specific thing. As I fall asleep, I sweep my eyes gently over the pictures. Sometimes they are the first things I see in the morning. I think they have a very positive effect on me and contribute to my overall happiness 🙂

    You can find out how I use vision boards here. You can find out how to make your own vision boards here.

    Action for Happiness posters, my vision boards, and affirmations written out

    Over the coming weeks, I will be writing blog posts on the subject of the age-old quest for happiness. I have been inspired to do this by reading information from the Action for Happiness website. I will be sharing ideas and posters from Action For Happiness to consider ways in which we can make our lives more fulfilled happy ones.

    In the meantime, I wonder what makes you happy? What does happiness mean to you? How can you get more of it? 

    You can download the posters for yourself here.

    As always, I welcome your comments and please share on Facebook or Twitter!

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    Relaxation Meet-up

    Ever wanted to learn more about how to relax or meditate? My new meet-ups will provide a place where you can do just that. Contact me to learn more or book your place.

    I will be hosting my first relaxation meet-up on Thursday 12th April from 7.00pm.

     This is a place to meet and learn more about how to still our minds and relax our bodies. 

    • The session will last an hour, with half an hour put aside for drinks and nibbles and to meet other participants. 
    • We will be doing a simple meditation which is perfect for beginners.

    Date: 12th April 2012 7.00pm – 8.30pm

    Cost: £4

    Venue will be in Enfield, full address on application

    Contact me now to book your place, as spaces will be limited. 

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    This event is now CLOSED. Please click here to find out about up-coming events.

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    New Yoga Class

    Recently I wrote about My Yoga Challenge where I was planning to spend 20 minutes a day practising yoga. Since then I have been practising in my living room (almost every day) and have already seen a difference in my flexibility and ability to stay in certain poses for longer. It is amazing how doing ‘little and often’ can make such a difference. So much so that I started going to a new yoga class last week. I was very excited about it, but was also a bit apprehensive as I am somewhat restricted by what I can do, due to the arthritis in my joints.

    Over the last few years, I have mainly practised yoga at home following a DVD, so I was looking forward to learning directly from a teacher. I knew it would be a challenge as there are certain poses I can’t (yet) do, but my teacher showed me several ways to protect my joints, and simplified some poses for me. 

    Cat Pose

    The pose below known as Cat, has always been a firm favourite with me, although I find it hard to press my weight onto my hands (as shown). Instead, I tend to make a fist and lean on my knuckles (which isn’t great for my hands). Last week, my teacher gave me a long tube-shaped cushion to place under my hands – which meant I could then lay my hands quite flat. I was then more able to focus on breathing in and out, and pulling my stomach muscles in to round and flatten my spine. Coordinating the breathing and movement are core principles in yoga, so once my hands were taken care of, I could focus on that.

    Yoga Pretzels, Cat pose

    Lying Twist

    The lying twist may not look difficult, but if you are unpractised in it, it can be a strong pose. I love the feeling in my sides when I do this pose, because I spend a lot of time sitting in a hunched way – this really stretches them out and gives the spine a lovely rotation too. My teacher suggested that rather than just bending both of my knees and then twisting over, that I cross one leg over the other knee, then perform the twist – this lessens the stretch on the joints and ligaments. It still feels like a stretch, but does not over-stretch before you’re ready. She also suggested placing a cushion under my knees.

    Yoga Pretzels, lying spinal twist

    Child’s Pose

    This is a pose which I need a lot more practise at. It is named Rock on this card, but I know it as Child (or Child’s) pose. This is a resting pose, which can be used between poses (or asanas). I find that on some days, I can get my forehead nearer to the floor, and on others, I feel like I am way off the ground. This is usually when my thigh muscles or knees feel tight. I just have a go, come out of it and sometime later I try again. I didn’t really understand what ‘breathing into a pose’ meant for ages – but now, I find that with each out breath, my body releases a tiny bit more tension and each cell becomes a little bit more relaxed. This is when I can perform Child’s pose well – I feel like my back is more flat, my arms are loose, my knees and thighs are comfortable and my forhead rests gently on the ground. 

    Yoga Pretzels, Child pose

    Triangle Pose

    In order to be able to get into triangle, you first need to do ‘Down Dog’ (or Downward Facing Dog) which involves placing a lot of weight on your hands. This is a big no-no for me, but with the help of my teacher’s foam blocks, I was able to perform triangle pose. She placed them just under my hands when I was stretching down and it basically gave me a step where I could  lean and not hurt myself. I would not have even attempted this at home with my DVD as I would be afraid of injuring myself!

    Yoga Pretzels, Down Dog or Downward Facing Dog

    Yoga Pretzels, Triangle Pose

    Yoga Class Vs Yoga at Home

    I really liked the communal aspect to the yoga class. (I have only ever experienced this once when I was on holiday in Turkey – blissful!) Even though the participants are of different ages and levels of training; we could still exercise and relax together. I realised just how much I have already learnt on my own and at the same time how much more there is to learn… I can’t wait for this evening’s class! 

    All photos are of cards from Yoga Pretzels, by Tara Guber and Leah Kalish, illustrated by Sophie Fatus. You can buy a set of Yoga Pretzel cards from my shop.